While one bodily consequence of sin is painful labor, another consequence is shame. Shame is a burden heaped upon your body like a sack of potatoes or an overloaded barbell. Sometimes we heap this burden upon our own shoulders and sometimes it is given to us by the circumstances which surround us.
The first time I remember feeling shame about my body was in middle school. I swam year-round for a club swim team, often starting and ending my days at the pool for practice. By middle school, I had reached my peak height at 5’5” and still held onto the softness of elementary school. I was proud to swim on the “senior” level on my team -- not the fastest, but not the slowest. Our practices were intense; we swam two or more hours each day, flipping from wall to wall -- backstroke, freestyle, breaststroke, butterfly. If you swim fast enough, then you might get a break between sets. By middle school, I hadn’t burned out yet. That would come soon. But for now, I was just getting good and my body was changing to catch up.
One day at the end of practice, my coach said, “You know, you used to be more doughy. You must be working hard in practice. Keep it up.”
At the moment, his comment was the perfect affirmation. But, afterward, it rang in my ears as a menacing threat. Throughout middle school, high school, and even college, I had episodes of dangerous calorie restriction and heavy overtraining. While my coach’s words weren’t the one thing that distorted my relationship with my body, he unknowingly gave me the words to name the fear that sat deep in me - the fear of getting fat.
Just as it is difficult to imagine childbirth without pain, it may be difficult for you to imagine life without picking and prodding your body. But you are called to a life of “nakedness without shame;” a life where you’re not crushed under a burdensome body, nor where you burden your body.
“Both the man and his wife were naked, yet felt no shame.” - Genesis 2:25
This verse always makes me giggle and scratch my head. Rather than separating the nakedness and the shame, let’s explore these images together. I don’t think we are being called to live in a nudist colony, but I do think God has something important to show us with this bold statement. I imagine that before sin came onto the scene, Adam and Eve lived as man and woman fully in their flesh tending the garden and walking with the Lord. Their bodies were essential to the work they were given, but they didn’t have to focus on their bodies. Their bodies did what they were supposed to do; they weren’t a pain, or shame, or a point of contention.
Everything was revealed and nothing was hidden.
It is only after the Fall in Genesis 3, that Adam and Eve see their bodies in a new way. They realize they are naked, then hide from God in fear (Gen 3:10). Suddenly, their nakedness is a humiliation, it is something that must be covered and hidden. In the hasty hiding of their naked bodies and the opening of their eyes, there is a sort of disintegration in themselves and in relationship to one another. Their opened eyes and hidden bodies precede fear and broken relationships.
According to Brené Brown, “Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging – something we’ve experienced, done, or failed to do makes us unworthy of connection.”
In other words, shame turns our hearts, minds, and bodies from looking out and living in the world around us to turning inside in an inward journey that is not healthy or kind. If you have ever experienced shame, you know that it makes you hyper-aware of yourself and hyper-suspicious of everyone else.
But just as Christ shares the burden of our work-weary bodies, He also covers the shame we lay upon our burdened bodies and souls.
1. Jesus reminds us that the ultimate battle is not against flesh and blood (even our own).
"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." -Ephesians 6:12
I can’t count the times when my face falls at my reflection in the mirror, or I berate myself for eating way too much, again. Over the years, I’ve learned that the best strategy to combat this battle is not to tell myself that my body is good the way it is or [insert other self-love platitudes]. Instead, I pray (and keep praying), “Christ have mercy on me, a sinner.” In this case, a real spiritual battle reveals itself in a real bodily discontent and I must hand both over to Christ.
Andrew Peterson summarizes this battle against our own flesh well in his song, “Be Kind to Yourself.”
How does it end when the war that you're in
Is just you against you against you
Gotta learn to love, learn to love
Learn to love your enemies too.
2. Jesus dwells within us by the Spirit. Our bodies are not our own.
“Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.” - 1 Corinthians 6:19-20
My body is not my own, but it is the Lord’s. This truth drives away my anxiety about missing a workout and my fears about the ways my body will change during pregnancy (whenever that comes along). This truth uncovers my shame and places me into the hands of my gentle Father. In confidence, I can say, “you have turned for me my mourning into dancing; you have loosed my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness” (Psalm 30:11, ESV)!
Read the full meditation on 1 Corinthians 6: 19-20 HERE.
How have you experienced shame about your body? In what ways do you lean on God to combat this shame?
Thank you for reading my blog! This is the second blog post on a series about "Burdensome Bodies."
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