When I started college, I swore I wouldn't gain the infamous Freshman 15. So, I went all-in on training and racing with the triathlon club. I didn't gain the pounds, but I did feed the body image beast. Overtraining and undereating was a cycle that produced the body and sometimes the performance that I wanted. So I didn't hesitate to keep it spinning.
After college and marriage, the most significant transition in my life was pregnancy and now post-partum. In each transition, my body image has been an ever-present theme.
While last summer, I didn't mind that my pregnant belly protruded over my shorts and even my flowiest dresses were snug in some places. This summer, I am disappointed when shorts don't fit as they used to, and shirts are forced to stretch in new ways. But now, unlike in college, I have neither the time nor the energy to overtrain and undereat to achieve the body I used to have.
Nor do I necessarily want to.
Yet, I'm still sitting in discomfort in my ever-changing body, valuing "preserving [my] body and pursuing perfection over persevering in the good, kind, noble, and true" (The Wellness Revelation, 215).
in other words, my spirit is willing, but my flesh is weak (Matthew 26:41). My heart agrees with God's truth that my body is good, but my mind is still fighting to conform to the image of the "ideal" body.
Maybe you're in a season of your life when your body is shifting and changing -- puberty, college, pregnancy, or menopause. In each phase, your body changes in countless ways -- from your hormones to your memory to your fat storage. There are surely things you have some control over, and many you do not. Where does that leave you?
I love how Lara Casey, Founder of Cultivate What Matters and Powersheets, asks in her goal planners, "Looking back on the whole of your life, where will you be grateful you spent your time and attention?"
That's a sobering question because it's a reminder that my future is shaped in part by the things I give my attention to today.
I don't want to hate my body when I'm 90.
I don't want to hate my body when I'm 60.
I don't want to hate my body when I'm 30.
So, I can't hate my body now.
The truth is my body is good because God made it. There is no reason to hate my body or wish it looked different. I can physically do all that Byron needs. I still get to work out in the ways I enjoy. I can even run again without feeling like my hips are going to rip apart.
Whether I get to work out at the gym or just hold Byron's hands as we walk back and forth through the house, all these steps count. This is what my body is made for.
The tension falls between two images that lead in different directions. Desiring a body that images the “perfectly” formed bodies I see on social media. Or, desiring a body that embodies and reflects the kind, loving, patient, and good image of my Father.
I pray to continue pressing into the way that leads to Life.
This is very much a work in progress, but here are the things that have helped me so far:
Revelation Wellness - More than a fitness ministry, more than an on-demand workout library, Revelation Wellness explores the theology of the body in motion. If you haven't checked out Revelation Wellness yet, don't wait!
Breaking Free From Body Shame - Jess Connolly has a way of speaking to the heart of Christian women's struggles with work, body, and worth. BFFBS addresses many of the destructive ways we view our bodies and a new way forward based on the gospel.
Risen Motherhood - RM shares the gospel truth in all the nooks and crannies of motherhood. They have a podcast episode on Mom Bods and the Gospel, as well as a chapter in their book about post-partum body image.
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